Fathers Day!

So...Fathers Day was a blast!

I have been trying for about a month now to talk to my boys Xavier and Abel but their mother has been refusing to answer the phone and will not return my messages.

Well on Fathers Day I called in the A.M. and found that she had disconnected her phone, this way I really can't get in touch with them. I don't know what she thinks she's doing..hurting me, well yes but more importantly she' s not realizing that it's the kids she hurting. Making them think that I don't call and that I don't want anything to do with them is only going to make them mad at her when they find out the truth.

Jen was so nice to me on Sunday though...woke up and she had two cards for me. One from the Cats (which was really funny) and one from her. I wanted to cry but I held it back. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. She made me my favorite breakfast ..Bacon and Eggs!! Yum!!

I was in a bad mood all day but I was trying so hard not to take it out on Jen but it just kept coming out that way. I apologized to her many times yesterday:(

It seems that every time we go to a certain part of town we are always in the middle of somethinghappening and it's usually not good.

While we were exiting off the highway onto the street we needed we stopped at a red light. There was (as ususal) a man out there asking for personal donations to help him out when a car with tinted windows puled up in front of him and us. A man (punk boy) got out of the car walked a little towards him and threw the remainder of his drink all over him. I was instantly pissed and so was everyone all around us waiting in traffic. Who the fuck does this punk wanna be gang - memeber think he is. I wanted to get out and beat his ass but, they had drove off.

The funny things was that while they were throwing drinks on people they had not noticed an unmarked police car right in front of them! HA HA HA BITCHES THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!! The police officer immediatly pulled them over just about a 1/2 block from where this happened. I could still see everything from where I was stopped. The cop drew his gun, I saw the passenger (guy who did it) open the door and fall out onto his face taking cover and putting his hands out. The driver was pulled out of the car and slammed onto the hood (cop was pissed) then threw his ass on the street with his partner in crime.

We were in a turn lane so we had to drive away but I came back just to go by the police car and if I could see them I was going to stop just to flip them off and laugh at them!

By the time I made it back I seen a few more cop cars coming from all directions..WTF??
I drove past the scene and I could not see the guys anywhere. They bolted on the the officer...fuck!

I'm not sure if they got caught but I'm sure they did there were cops all over the place. I hope they beat their asses..punck fuckers!

!@#$%&*

One thing I fuckin hate is when I come into work and someone has been fuckin with my shit!
Some one came in here lastnight to try to set up our switch and decided to use my workbench as a testing station although it was clear that I had systems running on the network that I needed. Not only did they take them off line, the did not plug them back into the right ports.

AHHHHHHH!!

Clive Law

I went in to work around 10am today. We had a long night of driving in mad traffic on the way back from Chicago..well Bolingbrook IKEA. Construction all over 80 and it took hours to get through it.

So I was sitting there at my desk trying to figure out why one of the systems I was working on was not accepting a push from the SDO server and then it hit me!

A MIGRAINE

Yeah sucks ass because I knew it was going to be a long day with no medicine anywhere around. It was weird though I had a headache like usual but when I was standing it felt like the floor was moving up and down. I felt this before but only a few weeks ago and thought nothing about it.

Jen called the cell just after I felt this and asked if there was any way I could pick her up because she forgot she had a meeting downtown a few blocks from where I was at.

Picked her up and took the rest of the day off. I don’t want this to last all night so I need to relax the rest of the day. Funny thing is that where she is having her meeting is the same building where Wellpoints’ Corp office is at!

Oh well no one knows me here. My boss is at my location and my real boss is in Boston or something like that.

So here I am outside (I put my badge one anyways so I don’t look like some random guy sitting here) typing away about nothing. I feel kinda bad for leaving work early buy what the hell. I needed to.

It’s funny how no one out here will talk to each other. I have a guy pacing all around smoking and a girl standing right in front of me staring at her shoes trying to act like she’s busy..I know she’s not.

I can tell the Starbucks people here though..most of them have tan pants on of some sort and a black top. Talking all business like and about how important they are. I dunno I guess I’m a little different because when I’m outside chillin out the last thing I want to do is talk to someone I already work with is work. Blah!

I know I do this too but I have noticed out here when people are out here by themselves smoking it looks like they are on a mission and not enjoying it. Why do we so this..like it’s a task we have to do and we don’t like it.

I’m going to be here for an hour and a half sitting here doing nothing but, it’s better than trying to do brain work for the next few hours. Something I can’t handle right now.

I want to go lay down but I can’t, there’s no where to do that at. Grr this is starting to suck and I have about an hour to go. I can’t pick up a wireless connection anywhere out here. Well I know if I walked down the block a little I could but that would look alittle funny. Sitting in front of a building with a laptop. Sure to draw un-needed attention to myself could get robbed and then I would be really pissed.

Maybe I could go upstairs to the corp office and just sit around somewhere..I have my badge and there is no questioning it. Better not.

I went to a school the other day to see about training for my MCSA but they want 24k to do it! Ahhh what the hell. It’s all because (they say) they are an official Microsoft Academy and that’s all they focus on. They almost guarantee that in 6 months I would have my MCSA and MCSE.

I don’t know for some reason I’m thinking I could just go to a small community college and pay a lot less and get the same if not better training.

Upadate = Forgiven

The Update

When I had got home that night Jen was not there yet. I had a lot of time to cool off about it all but was still of course a little mad that anything like this had happened in the first place.

She had left me a note saying how sorry she was and how she should have never let her curiosity get the best of her.

“I don’t know where to begin. I’m awful, how’s that? Pathetic? Any better?

I feel like I could throw up right now, knowing that I have just fucked up the most important thing, and best thing in my life.”

It went on with more of the same

“I love you so much that I really scare myself. To be able to put myself out there is the scariest thing. I am so afraid of getting hurt, rejected, anything.”

“I know that I have done a terable thing and there are no excuses for it. I have completely fucked any trust that you have built for me and, I know how huge that is to you!”

This is the part of the letter that made me laugh a little and made me be a little more understanding about this.

“I love you so much I want to grow old with you, have your babies, have countless vacations, memories. I want to expierence the rest of my life with you. I want the house the dogs, the yard, grandchildren, sleepless nights, Christmas, birthdays…”

The list seemed to never end………

“trips to mexico, Italy, Japan, mowing yards, all the head aches, disappointments, tears, smiles, showers, first teeth, runny noses, camping, wine tastings, tango, salsa, foxtrot, finishing thought, words, changing diapers, arthritis, mistakes, learning…….

I started to laugh more and more and by the end of the letter I was no longer as mad as I thought I was.

When she got home I was outside on the deck laptop in hand writing about how mad I was earlier in the day and now how it was really nothing.

She came out and sat down in front of me. I had no idea what to say to her. If I were real mad still about it all I could ramble off a shit load of things. I was pretty calm though but I could not give in like that I thought.

I let her know that if this had been anyone else past or present I would no longer talk to them. I could cut them off like nothing I needed. Trust to me is #1 and you have to earn that from me and continue to show that you are able to handle it.

She started crying and again apologized and said how sorry she was. I gave my warning ..one that I have given everyone that I have dated before. Do not do anything like this again because I will give no warning and leave you. I know it was harsh but no one has really gone into my journals and things like that before, they had done smaller things to make me mistrust them so, for me to forgive her and let it go…I was making a real change in myself.

I know that in my past if anyone had done this to me I would have gone in an instant. I love Jen and I can honestly say that now because I’m staying and I want to. I don’t want to leave her over this..it was a mistake, we all make mistakes. We just have to learn from them.

Clive Law.

Are you going to be home tonight? Pt. # 2

more at 11 ;)

Are you going to be home tonight?

I'm pretty pissed today.
Lastnight Jen did not come to bed with me so I left the laptop out so she could use it and not bother me in the other room while I was sleeping.



This morning my security log popped up with access attempts on my docs and ones in my personal file that I have encrypted. I checked the user and it was Jen. She was looking at my mail archives that I had not yet encrypted.

On top of all that I looked into the web history only because of this and found that there was some William guy who's blog she has been reading. I don't know who this person is and why she's was trying really hard to find contact info on him. So yes automatically I got pissed because of the pre-reqs that had just been found.

I called her and kinda layed it all down. She has NEVER done anything to make me not trust her but this was it. I have issues with trust already and I have told her all about them and what not to do issue #1 stay out of my personal files.

I think this had chanhed my perception on this relationship...it always does and this is why things just don't work out for me.

She asked if I was going to be home when she got there tonight.

Still get a smile

6/4/2006

Well it was supposed to be a good relaxing day but I had to fuck it all up. Jen and I got up and around by 11am today. Thought we would go have some Starbucks then go mim-golfing. I showed Jen the art of War Driving and how many access points there were just from our house to the end of the block. She was pretty shocked to see how many of them were not secured.

I found a place in Fishers were would could go mini-golfing and we headed out. On our way there, there was a lot of congestion from some construction going on. I like an idiot was not paying attention to the cars in front of me.

BAM! The new Passat has been injured. I immediately felt like shit and about cried because I know she had just been in a car accident and has been warning me about my driving to close to people and way too fast.

I’m at home now but I still feel like shit about it all. I’m not sure if she’s actually not that pissed about it or if she’s just being nice to me about it until later on. I know it’s not going to cost too much to fix it all but still it’s going to cost at least the deducible.

After it was all said and done she asked if I still wanted to play some mini-golf. I was not really in the mood but she pretty much insisted that this accident should not ruin our day together.

I’m glad we did because it made me feel more at ease with this whole thing for just a few moments.

We did have a lot of fun there. We actually did not do as bad as I thought the both of us would. At the end of the day and after she had 4 beers I still get a smile from her.

Yeah I'm bored

The Living Room (in progress)

Too Early for pics

I had the bright idea of takin a pic of us right when we woke up.

Indy Pics

Finally a pic of Jen!

Pics from our Wine Tour

We love the Vino!