Jeff somehow forgot to pay the rent for the past two months so once again I find myself looking for a place to stay. Ususally this would not be a problem because I could just move to Chicago but I have Jen now in my life and I can't leave her like that.
I got the call about 2pm Jen and I had just pulled into the half price book store. I have been searching for cheap books for my N+ test. I'm about ready to take it but the books I have been using are a little old and I'm pretty sure that the old coax cable days are gone.
Jeff started out by saying he had bad news. What the hell could this be about? Did Verizon somehow contact him about my server error the other night and want to fire me? Yeah a bit irrational but that's how my brain works sometimes. "Yeah so I just talked to the leasing office and they said if I don't come up with about $1,400.00 we have to move out by the 16th or eviction will be processed." Ahh WTF Jeff!!
I had been staying with Jen for the past two weeks really for no reason other than we are in a new relationship and that's how things go, plus it was nice to have someone to hold on these cold nights (whatta sob I can be sometimes).
So back to Jeff and my situation. Things were goin great besides the fact that I just found out that I was going to be homeless. I was shocked and had the life drained out of me. I had taken the day off from work so Jen and I could hang out plus I had some issues I didn't want to deal with at work that day. Now after hearing that news I was instantly in a bad mood. I could not talk I didn't even want to look for books anymore and this is usually something I'm excited about.
Jen noticed I was being quiet but she didn't bother to ask what was wrong. She's cool like that , there are just some times when I don't need to talk just sit like a derpressed Buddhist Monk. Jen had to go to Walmart for some prescription she had to get. While we were there waiting for it to be filled we walked around looking at things we don't want and need. We came accross the bath mats and I got sad. Guess a little explanation is due about that last comment.
I'm a little OCD and I have a fear of standing in showers that are used, So yea everywhere I go I have to have something down or I freak out ...BAD.
So Jen was suggesting we get one for her apartment because I'm over there alot and usually use one of her towels for my little crazy thing. Honestly I get excited over stupid things like a new bath mat but this time I couldn't. I was sad and I could not say anything. All I could think about was the fact that I would have to move away from her in order to live. I did not want to ask Jen if I could live with her because well it's just not right.
So I don't exactly remember how this all happened or what she said but I was just at that breaking point of the day and that was all it took. I got pissed and went out to the car untill she was done with her shopping. Later on that night we talked more about what was going on and why I was feeling so moody.
I mentioned to Jen that I might have to move if I could not work something out so Jeff and I could live in out apartment. I knew it was a lost cause we were in the hole and bad. After some crying and things of that nature she asked me to live with her and her roommate. She would have to talk to Jen(yes her roommate is Jen as well ) about it first then get back to me the next day. I was not really counting on anything.
This is why I did not want to get into a relationship, if something like this were to happen I could just pickup and move and not miss a thing. When I was telling Jen that I would have to go I started to harden inside no tears I was ready to leave her if I had to for my survival. Then she had a look on her face like she was about to just break down. She wouldn't say anything to me. I almost had to shake her just for a few words.
"Oh my God, I knew it was too good to be true. It's just like my whole world is about to come apart right now and I'm really trying not to have a mental breakdown right now."
The way she looked when she said that I knew I couldn't leave her. She really cared about me I could see it. Then she said it....what had been on her mind and why she could n't really talk.
"I love you"
How could I leave someone in love with me. I know the feelings that she has because I have them too, I can't leave.
The next day I was at work feeling like shit because I didn't know how the conversation was going to go with Jen#2 about me moving in. I had been there for two weeks and thought I might of outstayed myself a bit.
I text'd Jen on her phone:
How are you doing today?
"I'm doing better than great! jen said yes!!! I was going to wait to tell you but I just couldn't !"
My heart about popped out of my chest, here I was going to be living with Jen. I have not lived with anyone in so long it's scarey. I have just gotten used to being alone and loving it. How is all of this going to work out? Will we get along? Am I going to be able to be myself?
I was happy really happy and wanted to jump out of my chair at work but at the same time I wanted to run like hell!
When Jen picked me up I was not sure how to act. I was going through so much in my head I was not sure where to start. Why not discuss it over dinner, make it into a celebration to take some of the edge off...right?
I wanted Chinese she wanted something else but gave in at the last min. :) <------big grin here
I love those Chinese Places so much food so much to choose from although I never stray from what I know and usually eat. I just like being surrounded by so many choices.
Went back to her apartment and then we talked more about these crazy feelings I was having. She had noticed that I was not real excited acting...I was excited but scared too. It was really funny but she was feeling a little scared to but it was more about me and my happiness living with her that she was more concerned about. Jen knows that I am a person who loves and values his alone time. I love and I get so many mental obsticles out of the way. She assured me that she would never stop me from doing anything (within reason) and give me all the space I needed.
We both agreed that no matter what we would always keep the communication going.
Clive Law
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