Bored

So here I am on Monday bored as fuck in the Local Lib station. I don't have anything to do these days. I got so used to working nights and fuckin off during the days that it's weird to have a few weeks off from all of that. The good thing is that I have access to a lot of books!

There's a girl sitting a few feet away from me that loks exactly like Sherry. It's almost scarey to me. Damn I wonder what it would be like if I had stayed with her. I know that I would be better off finacially but as far as my happiness goes I would be dying about now. She stood in the military as far as I heard and she was off to Iraq.

I don't know if she ever made it back or what happened with all of that. This girl makes the same faces as her even. I can tell she's about 19 just like when I met Sherry.

I don't know what the fuck I'm writing about anymore Im gone!

Clive

WTF?

So yea when I left here the other day I got a call, it was HP! What are they calling about, to just rub in the fact that they are not going to hire me after saying that they would?
It was a woman named Ashley. She said that there were a few people that were not going to work out for the company and if I was still interested that they would love to have me on the team. WTF? I had no idea what to day because I had just applied for another IT job that day and was hired on the spot. Also I have an intership with another Tech company (which reminds me I have to call again about today).

After some time thinking about it I called her back and said that I would take the offer. I start on the 29th. Well what do I do in the meantime? Now I have to go back to Verizon and tell them after all of that shit in one day I can't work for them. This HP thing had better go as planned or I'll have to hang someone from their eyelids!

After droppin Jen (my roommate) off at work I went down the street to the Tech place where I was wanting the internship. There was another guy there. I explained what I was looking for and he was not cool with it. He said that he wanted to pay me something for my time. I don't think he understands that I have a job and all I was and am looking for is expierence in the IT field. No matter he said that him and his partner would be talking more about it today and call me as soon as they have come to an agreement.

It's almost 4p now I hope they call me soon.

Clive Law

HP FUCKS!

Ahhh so I moved here because I was supposed to start working for HP. Well as it turns out someone at the recruiting office I went to for the job fucked up and took way too long submitting my info and they pulled the offer. What the hell am I going to do now. I have to somehow make it to Akron for Syn's wedding and I have absolutly no cash, and I'm the best man!

This really sucks bad, yeah that's all the words I have for it too.

I went to this place that does Tech Support for Verizon Online and got a job but it only pays $9.00 an hour....SHIT! I dunno once again how I'm going to do it but I have no other optionsbut to try again. Another situation that I face now is that I don't have a way out there. If I had a car it's only like 7 miles down the road and hardly a trip to take but I don't and my hours are 3:30p to midnight. If Jen really had to she could pick me up then but how do I get there? I have not seen any bus routes going out there.

God I really hope this was all in you plan for me, really because I can't handle much more than this!

Clive

Indianapolis

So here I am in a new city once again. I have not had access to an interet connection in some time now but I have finally made it to the local library. Pretty cool here they loan out laptops for use in the library. I have soo much to write but don't feel really like doing it all right now. I may come back tonight if I can.

Things are already starting off on the wrong foot here!

God Knows

Still alive...this sux oh well.

I'm getting ready to go to work. I talked to my boss guy the other day and told him of my situation. He said that he had to do some thinking and he would get back to me. I'm going in early and hopefully he has some good news because GOD knows I need some about now.

More at 11
Clive

Suicidal Thoughts

I have been having suicidal thought for the past few weeks. It's not because of Veronica I can say that for sure. I think I'm ok with her being gone. It has not botherd me as much.
I called her voicemail lastnight and I heard a message from some guy named Zac. I was disturbed for about a min but then I was actually ok.

I have been thinking about my life lately and how I have really fucked it all up. It does not look like I can even make it to Chicago if I wanted to. I'm about to have everything shut off and rent is due once again. Shit I still have not paid all of the past few months off yet.

I don't have anywhere to go. I don't have anything or anyone to back me up.

I got my check from work the other night. After Child support was taken out I had a total of $35.00 left.

FUCK this is becoming real shitty. I can't escape it either.
That same night that I got my check I came home and made a list of everyone that I needed to write a letter to.

Damn I can't even kill myself when I want to because I have so many letters to write. I just don't want anyone thinking they could of stopped it. I don't want anyone thinking it was their fault either.

I have to set a date for all of this and it has to be pretty soon.

Clive Law

Chicago

I have an inerview / testing in Chicago on the 27th. It's at 1pm.

I don't know if I should even call and tell Veronica about it or not.
I don't think she has to know. She has not tried to contact me in anyway for the past
few weeks so it's obvious that she wants nothing to do with me.

I have this friend named Danielle. She's kinda like me likes to move around and see new places.

Shit I can't write to tired blah
Clive

Validation Night

I had a dream about Veronica lastnight. I hate having dreams about her. i want to forget that s all.

I have decided that I will no longer settle for anyone. Lastnight my ex stopped by because I had
asked her earlier after her date to come by. I had spent all day inside and all night.
I had nowhere to go and no money to go out.

I did have those movies I rented from the other night so I watched one of them.
I also took up painting lastnight....yea painting. I only used black on white but somehow
I really released a lot of my thoughts into most of them. An image started to emerge once
I got started with the paint. I have a series of 3 that tell my ending story.

When Terra seen them she was freaked out and asked what they hell they were supposed
to be. I told her they were me. I explained each one to her.

She could tell I was not having a very good night. She stood for awhile with me on the coush just letting me hold her. It really calmed my mind down.

When she was about to leave some how we stated to kiss. The same old story one thing let to another and we had sex.

It was not anything I really wanted to do but I felt like I had to. Validation I guess.

Clive

Keeping busy

I was all set for a night alone watching depressing movies and feeling sorry for myself.
I was in the video store and felt like crying. Yea I'm a wuss but I could not help it.

When i returned home my friend Val called me and wanted to know if I wanted to go
out with her and her bf to a club where he works. I did not want to but then I thought shit
what the hell.

So anywho I met the owners of the place and I drank more than I wanted to and now...
now I'm drunk as shit listening to opie and anthony.

When I got in I had a few messages from my former best friend Mark. It was like old
times again he left off like we never had a falling out. I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Yea I'm thinking about Veronica but I'm doing fine.

Ok the room is spinning so I'm going to trry to lay down.

Ciao For Now,
Clive

New Days Alone

She's gone and there was no warning.
A few roses now mark the day when she left me.
She gave me two roses, made love to me and left.
"I don't love you anymore."
I have not heard from her since.

This marks my new days alone.

Ali a girl I work with said that it was a good idea that I get out and have some fun.
Veronica left me on Thursday last week. Friday I went out with Ali and her friends.
I did have alot of fun and ended up with a weekend romace that filled my time so that
I did not think about Veronica for the time being.

2 days of druken madness and lust. It was wonderful. I missed it!
Lastnight was the first night that I actually had time to sit and think about all of this.
I don't know if I miss her or if I'm happy to be alone once more. I have not had time
to think about it.

I'm worried about what I'm going to do tomarrow. I have 2 days off and I'm not sure
what to do. I got so used to seeing her in my spare time and if not seeing her then
I knew that I would talk to her later that day or night. Now she's gone and I have
days and nights filled with silence to look foward to.

I have not made to many friends in this town even though I have been here almost a year.

Today I thought about moving to Chicago. I have this problem with running away from my
problems. I rarely stay and fight.

Huh? Funny I just looked at a bottle cap from a pop I just bought and it says:
"Soon you will be sitting on top of the world."

I really hope so because my life right now is about to become a very sad country song.
Grrr and I hate country music.

Clive